If there is one thing Mom stood for, it was Truth. She was a woman after God’s own heart. This is fitting because she absolutely loved the story of David. His story is a reminder to us all that we are flawed. Believers do fall. They make mistakes. They may even treat people poorly, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t in our hearts. We repent and once again press toward the mark.
The one thing I think Mom struggled the most with was unforgiveness. She wanted to love everyone; however, once wronged, she would never forget. She wanted nothing to do with people who had wronged her, and I believe (not know) that was something she could never forgive herself for. That’s just my personal assessment based on personal experience. I really have no idea how she viewed it internally, but I do believe she was too hard on herself. The Bible says “Be angry and sin not.” I think that’s where a lot of us trip and fall. It’s okay to be angry. It’s what we do with that anger that tells us and the world who we are. It seems Mom took this matter to God.
The following prayer is one she typed up in 2005. She earnestly prayed and wrestled with herself to be “an expression of truth and love.” As you will see in the last line, she revisited this prayer in 2014. This is about 2.5 years before she died. -EH
My whole being longs to get it right. -Geraldine Hall
THIS I KNOW …..
BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART FOR THEY SHALL SEE GOD.
THIS I KNOW, AND THE MORE I KNOW THIS I KNOW, THE MORE I KNOW THAT I KNOW THIS AND WHAT I KNOW OF THIS HAS BECOME ENGRAVED IN MY KNOWING AND IT CANNOT BE ERASED.
IT IS CHISELED IN MY HEART OF HEARTS. I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I KNOW THIS I WANT IT TO TAKE OVER ME. I WANT TO SETTLE INTO IT. LET IT WRAP ME UP AND COVER ME LIKE THE COVERING OF A COCOON. WRAP ME UP SMOTHER ME AND LET ME BE TRANSFORMED INTO WHAT I KNOW.
LET WHAT I KNOW TRANSFORM ME INTO SOMETHING THAT CAN RISE UP ON BEAUTIFUL WINGS, SIP NECTAR OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND SPREAD JOY AND BECOME THAT THAT I WAS PURPOSED TO BE FROM THE BEGINNING …. AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE AND TRUTH.
I PRAY AND WORK TOWARD WHAT I KNOW EVERYDAY. I DRINK IN ALL I CAN. I ALSO KEEP WONDERING WHEN WILL THE DAY COME THAT, THIS I KNOW, WILL TRULY BE BIRTHED IN ME COMPLETELY. OH LORD MY LORD, MY SOUL SHOUTS, MY WHOLE BEING LONGS TO GET IT RIGHT.
I LONG FOR THIS I KNOW TO BECOME COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD BY ME
WITHOUT ME THINKING TWICE ABOUT IT. I WANT IT TO BURST FORTH AND MANIFEST IN ME SO THAT I WILL NOT SEE ME BUT SEE YOU IN ALL MY EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE.
HEAD KNOWLEDGE, SOUL KNOWLEDGE, HEART KNOWLEDGE.
WISDOM ….. UNDERSTANDING
NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE ….. SEE GOD!!!
NOTE: Originally written in 2005 . Added the word understanding Jan. 7, 2014 just after midnight.